Fears

Here are 10 things I’m afraid of…Why? Because I feel that we spend so much time on conquering fear that we often fail to acknowledge it. As a 19yr old sophomore in college I am definitely afraid of:

1) The future. It’s so overwhelming. I have already changed my major once and I will probably change it again.

2) Failing. Whether it be academic, spiritual, leadership, or sin, I am scared of failing…and my fear of failure has created an unobtainable desire for perfection.

3) Letting people in. It has taken me years to get to a place where I can present myself as an imperfect struggling mess and not care who sees. But this year, actually this last month, has taught me more than ever to reach out and pop my personal bubble.

4) Hurting. I have spent so much time avoiding pain and hurt that now I have no idea how to truly experience hurt.  I actually have to relearn how to be okay with that ugly cry I have so desperately tried to avoid. As of now, I still hate it.

5) Struggling out loud.  There is a big difference between struggling alone inside of yourself and speaking your struggles in the presence of others.  Some of my struggles aren’t as far removed as others (just being real here) and that is quite scary.

6) My purpose…or purposes for that matter.  God has called me to do a lot in this world. What if I am not adequately prepared and I then cannot fulfill my purpose?

7) My voice. What a weird thing to be afraid of? But I have this wonderful gift of speaking life. Sometimes the power my words and my voice holds still scares me…and I also sing :0

8) Dying.  Let me clarify, I am NOT fearful of dying, but rather how I die. Will it hurt? I want to see the gospel move in the darkest places in the world and I could die a very painful death because of it.

9) Conflict/Confrontation. I am a lover, not a fighter. Period. I avoid any type of conflict at all costs.

10) You. I mean you’re reading this and I’m sure one of your questions is “what kind of world changer is this?” I’m sure you thought you would read this blog and find yourself inspired.  But, that is the exact question I want you to ask.  “What kind of world changer openly fears and struggles and has not yet arrived?” This one.Not that I have already obtained all this, or have already arrived at my goal, but I press on to take hold of that for which Christ Jesus took hold of me. Brothers and sisters, I do not consider myself yet to have taken hold of it. But one thing I do: Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead, I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus (Philippians 3:12-14). 

So yes. I will change the world and I will be real in the process.

-A World Changer

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