Since I have been a Christian (approx. 4 or 5 years) I have experienced a crash course in identity.
This may be because every sin I’ve ever struggled with is rooted in my lack of identity. I constantly find that I fight the expectations many have put on me, while also fighting the identity that Satan wishes to impose upon me. I become a preconceived image or the epitome of weakness. Everytime I find myself alone and distraught before God it revolves around who I am and who I am trying hard not to be. But that takes so much energy. It can be completely exhausting to spend time finding my identity through arbitrary means.
It’s almost funny that as I write I find myself lost in a sea of words because in the midst of my identity crisis, I can only find assurance in Christ. I know that writings are supposed to conjure up some sort of conclusion, but there is really no ending in and of myself. I question the depths of who I am on a daily basis and I’m not afraid to admit that I’m still in the process of dicovering me.
This is a grace-filled journey. Christ is a place where I can lose confidence in everything that I am except a child of God. As I find security in that truth, I become more in tune with who I am and I realize that many of the other things don’t matter in comparision. Whatever I am currently wrestling with or struggling with does not minimize the fact that I belong to the creator or the universe. I may never find the answers I’m looking for. At times I may become so wrapped up in my own insecurities that I forget the Christ that lives in me.
But this is part of being human.
Grace is the only force that can possibly allow me to delve into the ungodliness within me and bring it to the foot of the cross. This grace is the expression of pure unconditional love that showers the brokenhearted on this corrupted earth.
I have many questions about myself. I find my desires counter the holiness of my Lord. I often wonder if I am really this person or that person or both or neither. But with all that I am and all that I am not, I am a daughter of the most high king and that is surely enough.
-A World Changer