Now is the time that I find myself at a rather ambiguous place in life. I’m standing in line to board my plane to go on a flight that begins a new season of adventure, patience, and obedience. No, I’m not going to some exotic location (unless of course you consider NY exotic, which would be an adequate analysis). But this is a time in my life when I know that I am fully in God’s will for my life.
The ironic thing is that I only have an inkling of what comes next.
Sure. I know I’ll be going to Colorado then NY, back to Colorado then California, then down to So Cal a few days later, only to go back up to Nor Cal and leave for Colorado again. Whew.
But in all those trips, I am following passions and burdens laid on my heart by the Holy Spirit. I am letting love and obedience shape how I love my life.
I have been dwelling on this quote by Augustine:
Love God and do whatever you please.
***What you have just read was written over a month ago. It is amazing to see all that God has done in the past month. Yet, sometimes I think we get stuck in the beautiful parts of Christianity. Now bear with me as I try to bring together two different concepts, articulated on different days.
I would love to tell you that the Lord has redeemed all of my hurt and brokenness from last semester. I would also love to tell you that’s it has been easy. That I simply lifted my hands and gave every inch of fear and inadequacy to the Lord and now I am better than ever…but that’s simply not the case.
My summer has been a battle of unforgiveness and hurt, tears given to the Lord in the ugliest of ways. In this new semester I have been experiencing anxiety as He works in my heart and brings my Spirit to a place that my flesh is not willing to go to. I would love to tell you that I am not at all confused as to where He is leading me and why…but I can’t.
See, I think Augustine is talking about this:
When the Lord is our deepest desire, our secondary desires become His. Therefore, we may do what we please. However, the more in tune with God we become, the more difficult these desires are to fulfill on our own.
Maybe your desire is to find your worth in Christ alone, or maybe it is to escape a sin the you feel entrapped by. Whatever it may be, you will begin to seek out the things that please that desire. You will begin to seek the Lord.
Often it is more of a struggle, than simply asking and receiving. It’s ugly and messy and frustrating.
But it is worth it.
“Whatever you please” in the Lord might not always resonate well with your flesh, but your Spirit will be full. I would like to tell you that there is some conclusion to these thoughts that I have placed together. Yet, I have come to know that there is no sufficient conclusion on this earth.
So wander with purpose. Search for the Spirit. Dare to find His peace in the low places. There is always enough mercy for the struggle and grace for the journey.