When I look back…

I remember the feelings I felt going into this semester.

I was anxious.  I was was feeling a bit lost.  I was lonely.  I was nervous, mentally and spiritually exhausted, and still harbouring hurt.

I remember being so fearful of not having friends that I wanted to transfer colleges.  I wanted to flee from all the hurt and betrayal I felt last semester.

And for some strange reason God called me back to this school in the middle of America.  And for an even stranger reason I followed.  I learned to love through a broken heart and to reach out in the midst of hurt.  But, mostly I learned how to heal.  I learned that God has infinite goodness in his ultimate plans.  I found surprises around every corner and made new friends.  I have shared the depths of my heart with people I barely knew.  I made strangers into friends, into people I will dearly miss as I take next semester off to spend some time working in ministry.

I am rarely the best at being loved, especially when I am at a place when it is difficult to offer myself in vulnerablity…But I have had a few friends continue to pray for me and pursue our friendship, no matter busyness or distance.  And for them I am truly grateful.

The truth is that God is good.  I was able to say that last semester through tears, and I am able to say that now.  He is still good when the pain is too much to bear.  He is still good when the hurt lingers longer than you expected.  He is still good when friendships aren’t reconciled, when life leads you into uncertainty, when you find yourself in the midst of brokenness.  He is good even when you cannot seem to see his goodness and his love feels out of reach.

He is good.

Psalm 145:8

The Lord is gracious and compassionate,

slow to anger and abounding in steadfast love.

I have meditated on this verse all semester.  It is my verse for Cambodia.  It was my verse for soccer.  It is truth…And if I can just set my eyes on who God is, I remember what he is capable of and I find hope again.  One of my professors said that we can only hope in the character of God.  We cannot hope that things will be better, only that God, in his divine nature, is who he says he is; that in times of deep turmoil, we may trust in that alone.

I find this to be true.

So I leave you with this:

Philippians 3:12-14

 Not that I have already obtained all this, or have already arrived at my goal, but I press on to take hold of that for which Christ Jesus took hold of me. 13 Brothers and sisters, I do not consider myself yet to have taken hold of it. But one thing I do: Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead, 14 I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus.

I pray that you will continue to call him, who called you out of darkness and into his marvelous light, good.

-A World Changer

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