first love.

 Revelation 2:2-5

I know your works, your toil and your patient endurance, and how you cannot bear with those who are evil, but have tested those who call themselves apostles and are not, and found them to be false. I know you are enduring patiently and bearing up for my name’s sake, and you have not grown weary. But I have this against you, that you have abandoned the love you had at first.Remember therefore from where you have fallen; repent, and do the works you did at first. If not, I will come to you and remove your lampstand from its place, unless you repent.

Maturing in Christ is a funny thing.  Reflecting on the last four years, I see that college has certainly grown me in my knowledge of God, my wisdom, my faith, and my love for him.

Yet, as I look back, there is something I seem to have lost along the way.

Four years ago, I was a 17 year old still wondering which college she would attend. I was bright-eyed and bushy-tailed about the future, but mostly, I had this fervent love for the Lord.

Now it’s not that I love the Lord any less, if anything I love him more. But somewhere along the way, between the Theology textbooks that I adore and the Theology papers I don’t adore quite as much, I lost that passion.

It was the force that lead me to pray for strangers. It was that passion, that glorious fervent spirit that allowed me to take enormous steps of faith, ultimately leading me to this couch I’m  sitting on right now.

I say all this because it is easy to become a lover of theology and lose Theos in the midst of it. It is easier to be fascinated by the triune God than intreact with the triune God.

It’s not that I don’t, but I must ask myself when reading about Christology became more relaxing than reflecting upon Christ, his gospel, and his word.

I believe somewhere I’ve lost that first love that made Christ the sheer utter and ultimate priority–the love that compels me into that place of intimacy.

Still, I have not lost Christ.

And the Christ that steps into creation, for the redemption of humanity is the same Christ that shows grace and mercy to a wayward and frightened Peter.  It is the same Christ that seeks out a Paul, but first must choose a Judas.

His complexities are other-worldly,

But his restoration is this-worldly.

After interviewing a sweet friend and hearing her amazing story of the Lord’s work in her heart, I was reminded of that deep love, that first love.

After attending a worship night and seeing all the teenagers praying for one another and bowing before the Lord in reverence, I was reminded of that deep love, that first love.

We are not unlike the church in Ephesus, but the Lord is so gracious in how he lovingly calls us back to him. He gently brings us to our knees as we are reminded of the complete divinity of our Lord and savior.

I repent Lord. I desire my first love.

-A World Changer


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