Insecurity vs. Security

Theology of enough: what you have in your hand, God will make enough. God needs none  of our relentless hustle. We are living in the generosity of abundance when we can relax in Him to provide (paraphrased from Ann Voskamp).

This summer I am working at this amazing camp called Kids Across America.  I love my job and I love to see the Lord at work in my little girls’ heart, but the Lord has also been working in my heart.

During staff training, the Lord revealed that there is alot of insecurity in my heart, especially in relationship to my absolute trust in God.

You see, this fall I will be leading a mission trip to Nicaragua (something that I know the Lord has called me to do), but I feel as I’m receiving no support.

It brings back the struggles I’ve faced in the past finding true Godly community.

It seems that since I’ve been back at kamp, the Lord has been nudging me saying that this is my place to wrestle with incecurity and find security in the Lord, believing that I can be embraced by the community I am given.

So slowly I am wrestling through. I am reminded that he is the abundance my weary soul needs.  I am allowing  a brilliant God to push me. He is allowing a miniscule me to ask questions of him and find beauty in the brokenness.

I expected this blog to be a bit more profound, but ultimately it is a simple truth.

There is a God that takes me as I am, not as I should be.

He extends a messy, costly grace that calls me into repentance, but gives me the freedom to fall short of perfection.

And right now, I see a God who is actively calling me to seek out my insecurities and find peace while I work out my salvation.

He is good.

“You have made known to me the path of life;  you will fill me with joy in your presence, with eternal pleasures at your hand.” –Psalm 16:11

I believe He loves me. That’s all I need to know.

Amen.

-A World Changer

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