Its something that I used to hate but have now come to terms with.
It refreshes, renews. The tired earth cries out for it and the Lord provides. Children dance in it. It collects in the crevices, feeds the plant life, and resurrects the rainbow from its slumber.
I understand the beauty of rain.
But lightning, that is a different story.
It rips through the sky and terrorizes the tree tops. It is unpredictable and uncontrollable.
I am scared of lightning.
Sure, I marvel at its beauty, but from a distance. I want nothing more than to never find myself startled by lightning.
One night, as I found myself completely gripped by my fear of the lightning, the future, and the dark, I cried out to the Lord.
“Lord, teach me how to not fear the lightning. Teach me how to be in utter awe and find beauty in it.”
Lightning scares me, but it also dismantles the darkness.
It’s a daily battle but everyday I must decide whether or not I will allow fear to overtake me.
I fear that I am not valued or seen. I fear that I am not equipped or sought after, that I have nothing to give.
I’d imagine I’m not the easiest person to lead with. I’m on a journey with God, one in which I abide in my brokenness so that I can understand more of his grace.
Yes he is healing, but for now it is a slow and agonizing process of uprooting all the lies I’ve been led to believe. I’m learning grace for myself in the moments that I’m not loving enough, or relational enough, or brilliant enough. And in the moments that I am broken by my own inadequacy, I am comforted by a God that is never surprised.
When I fear, he teaches me faith. And in that I learn that I don’t have to be enough because he is.
“We all fall short. We all can play the victim from time to time. We all point the finger and blame others, while hiding from our own fear and anxiety. We’re all selfish at times and have next to no desire to serve others. There are gaps between who we are and who we want to be. But in the midst of this mess, we can find grace.”–From Generous Spaciousness
I am thankful to the God of grace, shown through his gracious people.
-A World Changer